[ sorry jason the pessimism is his forever. how else will he deadpan snark. but unfortunately for both of them when cloud also steps into the room it slams close behind them and they are now on either side of a confessional booth.
not that they know because it is a grated window between them ]
[Would honestly be funny if they got speared by unicorns because neither of them are pure enough to be near one.
It takes him maybe two seconds to realize where he is at and what this is, but not to worry—he is also an atheist except when he is telling people how much God shits in his cereal. This is the last place he wants to be. Who is he, Matthew Murdock?
At least Cloud suffers with him.
The holed panel between the two of them suddenly slides open, and Jason’s blue eyes cut through from the opposite side.]
You’re supposed to say, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
[ if this is a battle of blue eyes cloud's glow a little in the dark. it's fine and normal.
also cloud is a pure virgin and the unicorn would love him. ignore all the murder and eco-terrorism. that isn't important. he kicks at the door with all his strength at jason's request. it's not actually what jason asked but i am pretty sure both these fucks are mildly claustrophobic so it's funny. ]
Nope. Nothing. [ the booth is too tiny for him to use his sword too... Big Sword Problems(tm) ] Any luck on your side?
[What’s funny is Jason’s technically might also glow a bit because of the Pit which would be cool, but the comics are too busy jerking themselves off other ways to do anything neat with details.
Also, yeah, being trapped in a box? Jason’s favorite pastime. No.]
Great.
[The kicking is something Jason would have absolutely done immediately too. He shifts, lifts his too thick dorito leg and slams his boot against the door to the front. The wood creaks in agony, but doesn’t budge.]
Nope. Won’t even splinter. [FCK.] Fuck this hotel and its horror Wheel of Fortune rooms.
You know what this is?
[He says it like he is seeing whether or not he needs to explain what the shit they are in.]
[ in my heart Jason's eyes glow and comics are also good. these are both sad lies. cloud's kicking the door again, just in case, and has the unfortunate thought that being with someone else makes it less bad.
tell that to zack, dummy.
Jason asks and it takes Cloud a second to think while I decide the state of religion in FF7. ]
I've seen it in a church once. Can't say I ever stepped into it, though. [ religion in FF7 is not doing great was my conclusion. he bangs on the wall with a fist just in case that somehow helps. ] Guessing the "Sorry dad, I've sinned" thing is part of it?
[It does make it a little better, coming from someone who died pretty much alone and also woke up in their coffin alone.
Amused chuckling starts coming through the grate from Jason. He hates Cloud for being funny, but not trying.]
First, some advice: don’t use Daddy, or you’ll be going straight from winning to sinning. Maybe God has a kink, though.
[THEY ARE BOTH GOING TO HELL AT THIS RATE.]
It’s a confessional. You get in one side, priest gets in the other, and you awkwardly tell him how naughty you’ve been since the last time you came. Then he gives you cookie cutter godly advice and gets the Lord to forgive you since he thinks he’s a vessel for God’s voice.
[ Jason don't ruin a word he has to listen to come out of Marlene's mouth constantly, Barrett will never forgive him if he makes a single face about it. But he listens to that explanation and leans back with a disgruntled sigh. ]
So... just a method of absolving yourself of guilt without doing anything about it? Great. [ a beat ] Dibs on being the priest.
[STOP, NOT MARLENE. SHE IS INNOCENT IN THIS. She doesn't count. Don't make her adjacent to shitty teenage-sounding boy jokes.
He groans from his side of the confessional.]
Come on, that's not fair. The priests also have to use the confessional to talk about their sins, too, you know. You can't get out of this that easily, jackass.
We'll see. [ he sounds amused. he wont for long when he has to think of a sin, sucker!!! ] I still called dibs on listening. So get to it so we can see if this works.
[This is said SO TIREDLY. He drops his head back against the wall of the confessional, trying to think of what the fuck he's going to say. When he gets down to it, he really... isn't... that bad of a guy. He's a Bat. His ultimate goal is to help people.
He just... executes it poorly in the eyes of some. Tch.]
Okay. Here's the deal: what the hell I say in here doesn't leave this confessional. Understand? That's the point of your job as priest anyway. You can't tell anyone. This is just between the two of us.
Just because you don't care doesn't mean you won't run your mouth for the right price. [HIS TRUST ISSUES, CLOUD!! He's a shitty person, so he definitely knows how shitty other people can be.] Keep your damn pinky. I don't want to hold your hand.
[Hope they have to hold hands later. It'd be hilarious.
He is quiet for the longest fucking time here because he truly does not want to talk about himself at all.]
I guess I could just come out and say what I think it could be, but I have to preface this with an explanation as to why it's such a big deal. When I was a kid, I had... a mentor who really went hard on being the good guy. He wants to protect everyone, but he thinks if you get rid of the bad guys permanently, you're no better than them. He hates if you even sniff in the direction of killing the worst of the worst bastards out there.
Anyway, karma thinks it's funny, and one of the most deranged bad guys tricked me into a situation not too different than this one. My mom was the hostage. But that fuck didn't care about anything but messing with my mentor. So he killed me. He beat the shit out of me, and then thought it'd be cute if I got blown into every corner of a warehouse.
"How are you here then, Jason?" you ask. Shit happens. Sometimes, you wake back up in the coffin scraps of you were buried in. But the point is: when I came back, I found out... my mentor hadn't done anything about that piece of shit. Even knowing. Even after knowing.
[He truly thinks he has been through this enough times to not get worked up about it anymore, BUT MY GOD. Talking about it makes him irritable all over again. The surface water over the iceberg of violent anger is rippling, and it shows up in his voice. F in the chat for Cloud dealing with this like three days after being here.]
His morals were somehow more important than getting rid of this one clown asshat who has people living in fear. It's stupid. I said I wasn't going to be like that. Fuck every single one of those guys who screw with innocent people. That's it, that's my sin.
[ jason is truly going through so much and meanwhile cloud is so tired. this is so much personal information and feelings and he is uncomfortable. also it sounds dumb as hell. why would you not kill bad guys? hello?
and he just has to accept resurrection is a thing in places. he's seen enough weird murder game shit to accept it but also, christ, jason. locked in a coffin? that fucking sucks. he's quiet while jason confesses all of it, not even tapping his arm or shuffling.
he does not want people's backstories but he's also not that big of an asshole to make fun of them. still; ]
... Your mentor's a dumbass. [ it's an important note. cloud thinks batman is the stupidest thing alive because superheroes would not last one second on ff7r's crapsack world. imagine trying to NOT kill people in there. ] There's nothing to gain with keeping guys like that alive. They'll just keep going until someone stops them for good.
[ is sephiroth the joker? he thinks sephiroth is kind of the joker. he does not know the joker by name but a psycho who kills people is very sephiroth-kin. he sighs and shuffles a bit, leaning back. ]
... Any luck that confession loosened things up on your end?
[ he still does not want to play forgive me father ]
[Yeah, he's Vincent now. He was in the coffin. And he has a red color scheme? HE'S VINCENT.
The, like, relief? makes him bark a sharp, humorless laugh. Yeah, he knows this. Yeah, he agrees. Bruce is a dumbass. It's just kind of refreshing to hear someone else who doesn't take his side, too. Who knows he's sore about it and tries to toe the lien between scolding him and not making him mad.]
You're preaching to the choir.
[Sephiroth is probably the Joker. They're related. Cousins.
The box on his side shifts as he moves. He doesn't think the door will open so easily, so he gives it a milder kick again, and he is shocked to find it swings open.] Shit. [There he goes, he starts crawling out.] See ya, sucker.
[Just kidding.
He eases back in to glance through the grate to Cloud's side.]
[ imagine cloud "why don't you just kill him" strife telling jason "vincent valentie adjacent" that murder is wrong. hilarious. also, the joker is now genesis. anyway, cloud tries kicking the door when he hears jason crawl! wow can you imagine if i said he got off easy and it just opened.
nope, it's stuck. ]
Looks like this isn't a two for one deal on sin sharing. [ shit. he kind of sighs ] ... I've done a lot of shitty things. Can't really tell what counts as the biggest bad decision of them all.
[ aerith isn't dead yet for him to guilt over, so he takes a few seconds. ]
I joined the army as a kid. About fourteen. Had some delusions it'd make me a hero. I went up all the way to the highest rank in about two years. SOLDIER, First Class. [ part of this is on his profile, so it's fine? ] ... I went on a mission with someone I thought was a friend, back to my hometown. The guy was a real war hero. Being like him was the whole reason I joined in the first place.
[ ... ]
Something happened. Or maybe he was always like that, I don't know. I guess I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. He snapped. By the time I caught up to him, he'd managed to burn down the entire town and kill almost everyone in it. I thought I'd stopped him then, but... he's showed back up again. Crazier and more powerful than ever. Talking about changing fate.
[ cloud kind of shrugs. it's not like jason can even see him, but he does not entirely understand how the planet, sephiroth and his own group align right now. he just knows! sephiroth bad!!! ]
... I don't know if he's my sin, or my ghost. But either way, everyone he's hurt since-- if I'd done the job right first try, they'd be okay. And back then... some hero. I didn't manage to save anyone. Damage was done.
[ ... there's a pause. ]
Think that counts as confession enough?
[ there's something maybe a little funny that jason's sin is killing people and cloud's sin is not killing one guy, actually, thinking about it. it's fine cloud can talk up avalanche being responsible for so many dead people instead, rip ]
[This honestly doesn't sound much different than most people in Gotham. He wants to point out that this still backs up his tease about Cloud being a boyscout, but even Jason can sometimes understand time and place.
Next time, Cloudy.]
What, he couldn't handle the fame?
[He's so stupid.]
Sounds like you and I both have two shit-stains who need to be wiped off the map. [They just take turns killing the Joker and Sephiroth after this.] Hey. Everyone always has their should'ves. If you've got a chance to keep going, that's all you can do.
[It looks like he juts his chin at the door on Cloud's side.]
Try it and see. Don't forget to say, "Open sesame."
[ found out he was an alien, couldn't handle the fame, same difference. he understands it's jason sort of trying to be comforting, but all cloud does is hum a bit. ]
No stopping this train we're on. [ pensive. it doesn't quite fit the context, but yeah, they keep going. something about legacies itches in his brain but it doesn't make sense so he ignores it. ] What's with you and the dumb quotes?
[ first daddy i have sinned, now this!! either way he kicks open the door probably more meanly than necessary. it kind of breaks open.
oops. ]
Let's get the hell out of here.
[ he has to awkwardly crouch to get the sword through too, which ruins his exit. i love how uselessly big the buster sword is for this. ]
Bad habit. Maybe that's the sin I should have confessed. [Hehe.] Ladies first.
[But it's fine, he's already also going. He does not have a big ass sword, so he gets out easier than Cloud. Hope the running gag continues to be Cloud ends up in places the sword doesn't help. Like the time Kyuu put us in the Bat Gameshow and they couldn't punch anything.
They end up back in the hallway where they started which isn't the relief most people think it would be. He sort of mildly checks over himself while waiting for Cloud to... pop back out too.]
And here I thought we'd come out inside Chuck E. Cheese.
[ i'm glad you understand the entire reason i gave him the sword anna.
cloud gets out and pats himself to shake off some of the wood dust from destroying a door, looking around. ]
No idea what that is. [ he's judging the jokes because he does not get them, but don't worry. he has his own bad jokes. ] This thing's beginning to seem like less of a hallway and more like a hellway.
What part of "I joined the army at fourteen" makes for a good childhood?
[ it's a joke! it's a fun joke. he's so funny. anyway ]
I'm at one and you're at two. Wouldn't do for me to quit before you did. [ he cracks his neck. don't be competitive over this. you IDIOTS. ] Ready when you are.
[CAN HE GO HALF AN HOUR WITHOUT BRINGING UP THE FACT HE HAS DIED?
No. It’s too late. They are now making this a competition because he isn’t giving up until Cloud gives up.] Right this way! [He starts down the hall to the next door in line.] We’ll see what’s behind door…number three!
[ cloud has nothing to say to dead guy jokes. unfortunate, because for all intents and purpose, legally, cloud WAS dead. he just does not remember.
rng gave me #14, so i guess we are going into a hall of mirrors. here they are. in the carnival section of the horror movie. ]
Yeah, this isn't going to end well. [ one half of the room is clouds! the other is jasons! which evil doppleganger will attempt to kill the other FIRST. ] See the door anywhere?
[WHY IS IT THE MIRROR ROOM!!! He's cool as long as he doesn't see a fucking clown behind him anywhere. (The joke is he is a fucking clown.)
At first, he doesn't really move. He's going to have to make sure he doesn't run into the mirrors.] No, I can't see anything but multiples of your damn blonde head. [He reaches out, despising how uncoordinated this makes him feel.
He touches the glass, feels down along it as he moves so he doesn't smash his face.]
I'm not kidding. I'm giving this hotel the worst possible review.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Look, pal, the pessimism is my schtick.
[HE HAS TO LET OUT SOME KIND OF JOKE, OR HE IS GOING TO GO ABSOLUTELY FERAL. He's already walking down to the next door, grabbing the handle.]
Maybe it'll be rainbows and unicorns.
[He shoves open the door cautiously to step in.]
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[ sorry jason the pessimism is his forever. how else will he deadpan snark. but unfortunately for both of them when cloud also steps into the room it slams close behind them and they are now on either side of a confessional booth.
not that they know because it is a grated window between them ]
...... Jason?
[ are you there, god? it's me, an atheist? ]
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It takes him maybe two seconds to realize where he is at and what this is, but not to worry—he is also an atheist except when he is telling people how much God shits in his cereal. This is the last place he wants to be. Who is he, Matthew Murdock?
At least Cloud suffers with him.
The holed panel between the two of them suddenly slides open, and Jason’s blue eyes cut through from the opposite side.]
You’re supposed to say, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
Can you get out the door in front of you?
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also cloud is a pure virgin and the unicorn would love him. ignore all the murder and eco-terrorism. that isn't important. he kicks at the door with all his strength at jason's request. it's not actually what jason asked but i am pretty sure both these fucks are mildly claustrophobic so it's funny. ]
Nope. Nothing. [ the booth is too tiny for him to use his sword too... Big Sword Problems(tm) ] Any luck on your side?
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Also, yeah, being trapped in a box? Jason’s favorite pastime. No.]
Great.
[The kicking is something Jason would have absolutely done immediately too. He shifts, lifts his too thick dorito leg and slams his boot against the door to the front. The wood creaks in agony, but doesn’t budge.]
Nope. Won’t even splinter. [FCK.] Fuck this hotel and its horror Wheel of Fortune rooms.
You know what this is?
[He says it like he is seeing whether or not he needs to explain what the shit they are in.]
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tell that to zack, dummy.
Jason asks and it takes Cloud a second to think while I decide the state of religion in FF7. ]
I've seen it in a church once. Can't say I ever stepped into it, though. [ religion in FF7 is not doing great was my conclusion. he bangs on the wall with a fist just in case that somehow helps. ] Guessing the "Sorry dad, I've sinned" thing is part of it?
[ close. but not quite. ]
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Amused chuckling starts coming through the grate from Jason. He hates Cloud for being funny, but not trying.]
First, some advice: don’t use Daddy, or you’ll be going straight from winning to sinning. Maybe God has a kink, though.
[THEY ARE BOTH GOING TO HELL AT THIS RATE.]
It’s a confessional. You get in one side, priest gets in the other, and you awkwardly tell him how naughty you’ve been since the last time you came. Then he gives you cookie cutter godly advice and gets the Lord to forgive you since he thinks he’s a vessel for God’s voice.
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[ Jason don't ruin a word he has to listen to come out of Marlene's mouth constantly, Barrett will never forgive him if he makes a single face about it. But he listens to that explanation and leans back with a disgruntled sigh. ]
So... just a method of absolving yourself of guilt without doing anything about it? Great. [ a beat ] Dibs on being the priest.
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[STOP, NOT MARLENE. SHE IS INNOCENT IN THIS. She doesn't count. Don't make her adjacent to shitty teenage-sounding boy jokes.
He groans from his side of the confessional.]
Come on, that's not fair. The priests also have to use the confessional to talk about their sins, too, you know. You can't get out of this that easily, jackass.
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[This is said SO TIREDLY. He drops his head back against the wall of the confessional, trying to think of what the fuck he's going to say. When he gets down to it, he really... isn't... that bad of a guy. He's a Bat. His ultimate goal is to help people.
He just... executes it poorly in the eyes of some. Tch.]
Okay. Here's the deal: what the hell I say in here doesn't leave this confessional. Understand? That's the point of your job as priest anyway. You can't tell anyone. This is just between the two of us.
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[ like. of course he won't share. does he LOOK like a gossip? what happens in the torture priest room stays in the torture priest room!! ]
But sure. I can pinky swear to keep my mouth shut if it makes you feel better.
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[Hope they have to hold hands later. It'd be hilarious.
He is quiet for the longest fucking time here because he truly does not want to talk about himself at all.]
I guess I could just come out and say what I think it could be, but I have to preface this with an explanation as to why it's such a big deal. When I was a kid, I had... a mentor who really went hard on being the good guy. He wants to protect everyone, but he thinks if you get rid of the bad guys permanently, you're no better than them. He hates if you even sniff in the direction of killing the worst of the worst bastards out there.
Anyway, karma thinks it's funny, and one of the most deranged bad guys tricked me into a situation not too different than this one. My mom was the hostage. But that fuck didn't care about anything but messing with my mentor. So he killed me. He beat the shit out of me, and then thought it'd be cute if I got blown into every corner of a warehouse.
"How are you here then, Jason?" you ask. Shit happens. Sometimes, you wake back up in the coffin scraps of you were buried in. But the point is: when I came back, I found out... my mentor hadn't done anything about that piece of shit. Even knowing. Even after knowing.
[He truly thinks he has been through this enough times to not get worked up about it anymore, BUT MY GOD. Talking about it makes him irritable all over again. The surface water over the iceberg of violent anger is rippling, and it shows up in his voice. F in the chat for Cloud dealing with this like three days after being here.]
His morals were somehow more important than getting rid of this one clown asshat who has people living in fear. It's stupid. I said I wasn't going to be like that. Fuck every single one of those guys who screw with innocent people. That's it, that's my sin.
I kill them, and I don't feel bad about it.
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and he just has to accept resurrection is a thing in places. he's seen enough weird murder game shit to accept it but also, christ, jason. locked in a coffin? that fucking sucks. he's quiet while jason confesses all of it, not even tapping his arm or shuffling.
he does not want people's backstories but he's also not that big of an asshole to make fun of them. still; ]
... Your mentor's a dumbass. [ it's an important note. cloud thinks batman is the stupidest thing alive because superheroes would not last one second on ff7r's crapsack world. imagine trying to NOT kill people in there. ] There's nothing to gain with keeping guys like that alive. They'll just keep going until someone stops them for good.
[ is sephiroth the joker? he thinks sephiroth is kind of the joker. he does not know the joker by name but a psycho who kills people is very sephiroth-kin. he sighs and shuffles a bit, leaning back. ]
... Any luck that confession loosened things up on your end?
[ he still does not want to play forgive me father ]
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The, like, relief? makes him bark a sharp, humorless laugh. Yeah, he knows this. Yeah, he agrees. Bruce is a dumbass. It's just kind of refreshing to hear someone else who doesn't take his side, too. Who knows he's sore about it and tries to toe the lien between scolding him and not making him mad.]
You're preaching to the choir.
[Sephiroth is probably the Joker. They're related. Cousins.
The box on his side shifts as he moves. He doesn't think the door will open so easily, so he gives it a milder kick again, and he is shocked to find it swings open.] Shit. [There he goes, he starts crawling out.] See ya, sucker.
[Just kidding.
He eases back in to glance through the grate to Cloud's side.]
Yours open?
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nope, it's stuck. ]
Looks like this isn't a two for one deal on sin sharing. [ shit. he kind of sighs ] ... I've done a lot of shitty things. Can't really tell what counts as the biggest bad decision of them all.
[ aerith isn't dead yet for him to guilt over, so he takes a few seconds. ]
I joined the army as a kid. About fourteen. Had some delusions it'd make me a hero. I went up all the way to the highest rank in about two years. SOLDIER, First Class. [ part of this is on his profile, so it's fine? ] ... I went on a mission with someone I thought was a friend, back to my hometown. The guy was a real war hero. Being like him was the whole reason I joined in the first place.
[ ... ]
Something happened. Or maybe he was always like that, I don't know. I guess I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. He snapped. By the time I caught up to him, he'd managed to burn down the entire town and kill almost everyone in it. I thought I'd stopped him then, but... he's showed back up again. Crazier and more powerful than ever. Talking about changing fate.
[ cloud kind of shrugs. it's not like jason can even see him, but he does not entirely understand how the planet, sephiroth and his own group align right now. he just knows! sephiroth bad!!! ]
... I don't know if he's my sin, or my ghost. But either way, everyone he's hurt since-- if I'd done the job right first try, they'd be okay. And back then... some hero. I didn't manage to save anyone. Damage was done.
[ ... there's a pause. ]
Think that counts as confession enough?
[ there's something maybe a little funny that jason's sin is killing people and cloud's sin is not killing one guy, actually, thinking about it. it's fine cloud can talk up avalanche being responsible for so many dead people instead, rip ]
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Next time, Cloudy.]
What, he couldn't handle the fame?
[He's so stupid.]
Sounds like you and I both have two shit-stains who need to be wiped off the map. [They just take turns killing the Joker and Sephiroth after this.] Hey. Everyone always has their should'ves. If you've got a chance to keep going, that's all you can do.
[It looks like he juts his chin at the door on Cloud's side.]
Try it and see. Don't forget to say, "Open sesame."
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[ found out he was an alien, couldn't handle the fame, same difference. he understands it's jason sort of trying to be comforting, but all cloud does is hum a bit. ]
No stopping this train we're on. [ pensive. it doesn't quite fit the context, but yeah, they keep going. something about legacies itches in his brain but it doesn't make sense so he ignores it. ] What's with you and the dumb quotes?
[ first daddy i have sinned, now this!! either way he kicks open the door probably more meanly than necessary. it kind of breaks open.
oops. ]
Let's get the hell out of here.
[ he has to awkwardly crouch to get the sword through too, which ruins his exit. i love how uselessly big the buster sword is for this. ]
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[But it's fine, he's already also going. He does not have a big ass sword, so he gets out easier than Cloud. Hope the running gag continues to be Cloud ends up in places the sword doesn't help. Like the time Kyuu put us in the Bat Gameshow and they couldn't punch anything.
They end up back in the hallway where they started which isn't the relief most people think it would be. He sort of mildly checks over himself while waiting for Cloud to... pop back out too.]
And here I thought we'd come out inside Chuck E. Cheese.
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cloud gets out and pats himself to shake off some of the wood dust from destroying a door, looking around. ]
No idea what that is. [ he's judging the jokes because he does not get them, but don't worry. he has his own bad jokes. ] This thing's beginning to seem like less of a hallway and more like a hellway.
[ ... yeah ]
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[He gets Cloud would never have the chance for that because they come from different worlds, but it’s fine. HIS JOKE!
And Cloud’s joke…]
Boo. [He glances down the hallway.] Up for another one, or are you calling it quits?
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[ it's a joke! it's a fun joke. he's so funny. anyway ]
I'm at one and you're at two. Wouldn't do for me to quit before you did. [ he cracks his neck. don't be competitive over this. you IDIOTS. ] Ready when you are.
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[CAN HE GO HALF AN HOUR WITHOUT BRINGING UP THE FACT HE HAS DIED?
No. It’s too late. They are now making this a competition because he isn’t giving up until Cloud gives up.] Right this way! [He starts down the hall to the next door in line.] We’ll see what’s behind door…number three!
[He opens it.
rng us a door zia hope it’s stupid]
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rng gave me #14, so i guess we are going into a hall of mirrors. here they are. in the carnival section of the horror movie. ]
Yeah, this isn't going to end well. [ one half of the room is clouds! the other is jasons! which evil doppleganger will attempt to kill the other FIRST. ] See the door anywhere?
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[WHY IS IT THE MIRROR ROOM!!! He's cool as long as he doesn't see a fucking clown behind him anywhere. (The joke is he is a fucking clown.)
At first, he doesn't really move. He's going to have to make sure he doesn't run into the mirrors.] No, I can't see anything but multiples of your damn blonde head. [He reaches out, despising how uncoordinated this makes him feel.
He touches the glass, feels down along it as he moves so he doesn't smash his face.]
I'm not kidding. I'm giving this hotel the worst possible review.
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