[For a moment, he smirks faintly about the ribbing, but it dissipates afterward. He doesn't look back at Cloud, but his head isn't turned very far away. Cloud can see his eyes shift around the town, then up at the sky.
There is a roll of hesitation in him. It's not from distrust. Cloud can tell that Jason trusts him. It feels more like... uncertainty.]
You know... the people who keep getting put into graves.
[There isn't any point in beating around the bush really. Slowly, he glances sidelong at Cloud.]
[ there's an echoed uncertainty as cloud takes that in, looking at jason in confusion. but he's been an npc! and he's been an npc in a game with roles. so after mulling that over there's a kind of sense of understanding and curiosity ]
... Like a-- job thing? What's the point?
[ why? and actually. wait, more importantly; ]
You buried yourself?
[ never mind he's annoyed he's going to shove jason off this water tower ]
He makes a bit of a face when he's basically scolded in exasperation.] Look. [But it's said in that "THERE'S A REASON!" way.]
I buried myself so no one would start getting suspicious of me. Because I kept ending up in the same places with the people I decided to bury, and I'm quickly becoming one of the last few dudes who're strong enough to do it. I didn't want to waste a chance, but... I had to cover my bases. I didn't know that week would... be that way.
[Yes, he buried his own damn self the worst week imaginable.]
...I don't know the reason. [Frustration bleeds over into Cloud. There's a match start of anger behind it.] Not really. I don't know what happens if I put someone in there who's killing or who ends up dead. It doesn't stop it from happening, but... I don't know if it does anything else because I keep missing.
... Were people actually speculating on who was doing it enough to get to you?
[ he sounds dubious because he doesn't think it truly came up with others. but despite the judgment he's frowning because of the synced frustration, bleeding his own confusion into it. ]
So you've just... been told you've got to bury people every week? [ henwo. ] You went down on how many you did, too. How come?
[Mostly a thrown out "must be a big guy to be doing the ol' burial routine," but it's fine. He waves a hand dismissively about that.]
I don't pick the others. I just get to pick one. Sometimes the others aren't needed. It's... maintenance. That's what the contract calls it. [His brows furrow.] You can't tell anyone either. You can't tell anyone else, or I'm breaking an amendment to my contract, and I'll be toast.
[He sighs.]
I almost buried Dimitri last week, but I changed my mind. Then I picked the wrong Station. [The frustration is there, churning and bubbling. Disappointment.] I should have gone with my first choice.
[ he's calm. sharing this information never even crossed his mind even without that. he can feel jason's frustration and probably could even without being in sync, so after a moment of hesitation he puts a hand on his knee ]
You're picking one person out of twenty something. Odds aren't exactly in your favor. [ he'll give him that much, though he'd feel the same way in his position. and then there confusion is back; ] The wrong "station"?
[Even he's a bit surprised by how easy it is to chill when he has Cloud's hand to focus on instead of the frustration gnawing him to death from the inside.]
Yeah, like... Molly. Lup, Yuri, Harrow, Sheila. The people from the station. I was trying to get someone who I thought the shadows would enjoy toying with for the rest of us. Maximum entertainment. I picked Harrow, but--clearly it was Molly.
...Might have been a close guess, but that doesn't mean you're not still guessing. Shadows don't exactly have logic. [ he squeezes Jason's leg a bit ] Can't blame yourself for that.
It still feels like... nngg, I don't know. I should be more productive.
[This is the Bruce talking.
He makes a face to rival the frustration in him, then drops himself back onto the planks of the platform around the basin. He puts a hand over his eyes.]
I don't even know if it matters. Doing it might not even accomplish jack shit.
Maybe... it'd just move the victim's body somehow if you picked that instead.
[ oh. bye hand... he's looking down himself, thinking of how it could both help and be a detriment, so. ]
So maybe you haven't picked a murderer, but at least you haven't picked the opposite either. [ so it's... neutral? he knows this won't help, he can feel the frustration right there. ]
[No, get the body easier, but if Cloud thinks he's going to see the silver lining when he's the way he is. The petulance deflates a bit, but only because he's with Cloud.]
I'm trying to pick one or the other here to see what would happen.
[ i mean, no, he actually does mean it'd help the killer so it'd be bad to get one, but he gets the urge. to want to just fucking know. he leans back a bit to look more at the sky ]
But you've had shit luck picking, because there's no real way to guess who'll be possessed and who they'll kill. [ it's a nice summary of it. he gets the frustration, really. though, while they're talking about this... ] Probably the third killer was Hua Cheng, this weekend.
[CLOUD, really not helping his esteem here. Sorry to Cloud for the flare of burning hot thoughts of frustration that just come pouring out like a broken dam.]
Lup's group and Hua's group are the biggest out of us right now, so you'd think I'd have a decent rate of success picking from their lot, but as you can see, no I don't. And then I think: maybe that's what the shadows want you to believe, and it's someone else. Like--I don't know. Sebastian. Bradley.
[ there's a stray thought that sounds a lot like "oh, no" when cloud realizes, this is not distracting, ]
Jay. [ the frustration is starting to bleed into him, and it's very hard to differentiate from his own feelings. it's terrible, because that's frustrating too, and he doesn't exactly want a loop of that, but his is tinged with worry. ] There's no rationalizing it out for shadows. You had just as high a chance of getting the right one as the wrong one. It's bad luck.
[He cools under the name call, the turbulent thoughts in him simmering.
He lets out most of it with an exhale, even if he still wears the same frustrated expression. Slowly, he pushes himself up again with his palms, sitting beside Cloud at the edge.]
Sorry. [It’s offered quietly.] I just… feel like I’m putting people through rough shit without it counting for anything.
[He opens his mouth, then closes it again. He still feels… angry about it. No one else really would give a shit probably.
But to him… Sure, he’s frustrated in general, but it’s more than that. He has a fragile pride that crumbles as soon as it’s ever built up. Usually.
The doubt lingers at the edges of him. The voice that isn’t surprised he’s not succeeding, isn’t good enough, can’t make the right choice. How like Jason Todd.
His jaw clenches. He leans against Cloud’s side with no real weight and hangs his head on his own chest.]
he leans back on jason and does put weight on him. like doing so might give him some kind of comfort, though unfortunately there's that echoed doubt that cloud can help at all. he's no good at comfort. ]
... I'd be thinking the same if I were you. [ he'll admit it. sometimes you take every failure like a personal fault. ] But I think you're good enough.
[ it's the sync, that tells him he's feeling like that specifically, so it's cheating a little. but he does mean it. ]
[He sort of glances at Cloud, but the subject matter is kind of heavy, so he looks away. A swirl of gratitude is in there somewhere, under the mountain of doubt.]
…You are too. Good enough.
[Just gonna drop his head down against Cloud’s shoulder though so he can’t be perceived. And so he doesn’t have to see a single thing.]
[ hm. he's not going to disagree, even if it feels kind of funny to hear that here, where he made a promise to tifa he completely failed to keep. he tries to focus on feeling kind of fond instead.
he leans his head against Jason's on his shoulder. ]
... You still owe me Gotham, later. [ a subject change offer if Jason wants it. ]
[Oh, shut up, Cloud. If he can't keep dodging around the compliments because he thinks the same way, you can't either!!]
I can take you to see Gotham, yeah. [But not right now, he likes the stars, but he will not say this because it sounds ridiculous. UNFORTUNATELY, the thoughts are there... which Cloud gets anyway...] Thanks for showing me po-dunk Nibelheim.
[It's said as a tease, but there really is a lot of gratitude in him that Cloud can also feel, so.]
Hey. It's backwater, not po-dunk. [ the joke is that that description is worse. he does get the thoughts about the stars and that's why he said gotham later. jason's gratitude makes him feel flustered which is unfortunate. now jason can feel that. ] ... But no problem.
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There is a roll of hesitation in him. It's not from distrust. Cloud can tell that Jason trusts him. It feels more like... uncertainty.]
You know... the people who keep getting put into graves.
[There isn't any point in beating around the bush really. Slowly, he glances sidelong at Cloud.]
It's me.
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... Like a-- job thing? What's the point?
[ why? and actually. wait, more importantly; ]
You buried yourself?
[ never mind he's annoyed he's going to shove jason off this water tower ]
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He makes a bit of a face when he's basically scolded in exasperation.] Look. [But it's said in that "THERE'S A REASON!" way.]
I buried myself so no one would start getting suspicious of me. Because I kept ending up in the same places with the people I decided to bury, and I'm quickly becoming one of the last few dudes who're strong enough to do it. I didn't want to waste a chance, but... I had to cover my bases. I didn't know that week would... be that way.
[Yes, he buried his own damn self the worst week imaginable.]
...I don't know the reason. [Frustration bleeds over into Cloud. There's a match start of anger behind it.] Not really. I don't know what happens if I put someone in there who's killing or who ends up dead. It doesn't stop it from happening, but... I don't know if it does anything else because I keep missing.
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[ he sounds dubious because he doesn't think it truly came up with others. but despite the judgment he's frowning because of the synced frustration, bleeding his own confusion into it. ]
So you've just... been told you've got to bury people every week? [ henwo. ] You went down on how many you did, too. How come?
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[Mostly a thrown out "must be a big guy to be doing the ol' burial routine," but it's fine. He waves a hand dismissively about that.]
I don't pick the others. I just get to pick one. Sometimes the others aren't needed. It's... maintenance. That's what the contract calls it. [His brows furrow.] You can't tell anyone either. You can't tell anyone else, or I'm breaking an amendment to my contract, and I'll be toast.
[He sighs.]
I almost buried Dimitri last week, but I changed my mind. Then I picked the wrong Station. [The frustration is there, churning and bubbling. Disappointment.] I should have gone with my first choice.
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[ he's calm. sharing this information never even crossed his mind even without that. he can feel jason's frustration and probably could even without being in sync, so after a moment of hesitation he puts a hand on his knee ]
You're picking one person out of twenty something. Odds aren't exactly in your favor. [ he'll give him that much, though he'd feel the same way in his position. and then there confusion is back; ] The wrong "station"?
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Yeah, like... Molly. Lup, Yuri, Harrow, Sheila. The people from the station. I was trying to get someone who I thought the shadows would enjoy toying with for the rest of us. Maximum entertainment. I picked Harrow, but--clearly it was Molly.
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[This is the Bruce talking.
He makes a face to rival the frustration in him, then drops himself back onto the planks of the platform around the basin. He puts a hand over his eyes.]
I don't even know if it matters. Doing it might not even accomplish jack shit.
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[ he'll call out the bias. but jasson drops and cloud looks at him in concern ]
They never explain what the maintenance is for?
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Not really. In vague words. I asked if it was supposed to help in theory and was told "in theory." That it could be a detriment.
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[ oh. bye hand... he's looking down himself, thinking of how it could both help and be a detriment, so. ]
So maybe you haven't picked a murderer, but at least you haven't picked the opposite either. [ so it's... neutral? he knows this won't help, he can feel the frustration right there. ]
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[No, get the body easier, but if Cloud thinks he's going to see the silver lining when he's the way he is. The petulance deflates a bit, but only because he's with Cloud.]
I'm trying to pick one or the other here to see what would happen.
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But you've had shit luck picking, because there's no real way to guess who'll be possessed and who they'll kill. [ it's a nice summary of it. he gets the frustration, really. though, while they're talking about this... ] Probably the third killer was Hua Cheng, this weekend.
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Great. I missed him by a week.
[CLOUD, really not helping his esteem here. Sorry to Cloud for the flare of burning hot thoughts of frustration that just come pouring out like a broken dam.]
Lup's group and Hua's group are the biggest out of us right now, so you'd think I'd have a decent rate of success picking from their lot, but as you can see, no I don't. And then I think: maybe that's what the shadows want you to believe, and it's someone else. Like--I don't know. Sebastian. Bradley.
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Jay. [ the frustration is starting to bleed into him, and it's very hard to differentiate from his own feelings. it's terrible, because that's frustrating too, and he doesn't exactly want a loop of that, but his is tinged with worry. ] There's no rationalizing it out for shadows. You had just as high a chance of getting the right one as the wrong one. It's bad luck.
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He lets out most of it with an exhale, even if he still wears the same frustrated expression. Slowly, he pushes himself up again with his palms, sitting beside Cloud at the edge.]
Sorry. [It’s offered quietly.] I just… feel like I’m putting people through rough shit without it counting for anything.
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... You're not succeeding, but you're trying. I think it still counts. It's not like you're doing this for kicks.
[ obviously. he leans his elbows on his knees, looking down at the town ]
And people are getting good at getting people out now. It's not as bad.
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But to him… Sure, he’s frustrated in general, but it’s more than that. He has a fragile pride that crumbles as soon as it’s ever built up. Usually.
The doubt lingers at the edges of him. The voice that isn’t surprised he’s not succeeding, isn’t good enough, can’t make the right choice. How like Jason Todd.
His jaw clenches. He leans against Cloud’s side with no real weight and hangs his head on his own chest.]
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he leans back on jason and does put weight on him. like doing so might give him some kind of comfort, though unfortunately there's that echoed doubt that cloud can help at all. he's no good at comfort. ]
... I'd be thinking the same if I were you. [ he'll admit it. sometimes you take every failure like a personal fault. ] But I think you're good enough.
[ it's the sync, that tells him he's feeling like that specifically, so it's cheating a little. but he does mean it. ]
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…You are too. Good enough.
[Just gonna drop his head down against Cloud’s shoulder though so he can’t be perceived. And so he doesn’t have to see a single thing.]
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he leans his head against Jason's on his shoulder. ]
... You still owe me Gotham, later. [ a subject change offer if Jason wants it. ]
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I can take you to see Gotham, yeah. [But not right now, he likes the stars, but he will not say this because it sounds ridiculous. UNFORTUNATELY, the thoughts are there... which Cloud gets anyway...] Thanks for showing me po-dunk Nibelheim.
[It's said as a tease, but there really is a lot of gratitude in him that Cloud can also feel, so.]
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[Cloud is out here being cute and gay on the water tower he should have been het on.
He nudges Cloud and shifts to raise his head, but all the way so he can look at the sky again.]
I like it. Minus the shitty scientist mansion and probably the radioactive reactor, it’s a good place. Sorry it… you know. But I liked seeing.
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