[He nods. He mouths, Sappy, then looks thoughtful. Return to him his voice, Ursula, he has given up. He digs out the notebook and a pen so he can write instead.]
Said she got scolded. Wouldn't say who. Felt like an asshole because I couldn't talk.
Probably a staff member. [ if she wouldn't say who, he means. the latter is. he pauses, looks away and then back ] I wouldn't worry about it. She said you did something that really reassured her.
[He looks like ?? for a second, and then it dawns on him. His face bunches up, both embarrassed and exasperated. He mouths, ALREADY? very also exasperatedly. IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN, LIKE, HALF AN HOUR PROBABLY.
[It's the only prominent thing in what happened, he absolutely knows that has to be it. And, yes, he is embarrassed enough to sort of flush. He can't believe he peeled back the onion to show Lup a piece of vulnerability, and she immediate ran and blabbed to someone else.
"The someone else was Cloud." TO SOMEONE ELSE.
You just let the cat out of the bag! Oh my God. I'm never showing her anything ever again! He's ranting. Silently. Blessed peace. He starts writing in the notebook.]
[ why was this secret put on him he's in hell learning it and he couldn't even keep it. he hates this. Jason's hiding his face and cloud kind of hovers unsure how to... react? console?? help. ]
It's not...I mean, it's... [ fumbling immediately. ] She didn't tell me what it said or anything?
he reads that and he HAS to resist making a comment about how writing poetry in his spare time is worse than doing it for feelings. it takes a lot but he resists saying it. he just looks at jason with a raised eyebrow that says he is thinking it. ]
... Okay. [ slowly. like Jason is a time bomb ] Well, she liked it. So that's not bad for fucking around.
[STOP. Don't say it. HE COULDN'T THINK OF A GOOD EXCUSE THAT FAST, shut up. He sort of makes a bit of a face. Like, of course she liked it. She's disgusting (fond).
He looks at Cloud for a long moment, then looks away with a sort of twisted, uncertain and begrudging expression. A sigh. He rubs his forehead with two fingers. LUP. He did not want to show Cloud because it didn't feel like Cloud's wheel-house. Which is fine, he gets that.
And also, he was trying to respect how awkward it could make Cloud. He can bully the guy, but there's a line. A boundary with something more serious.
He just holds the notebook out without looking Cloud in the face. The onus is now on Cloud who can take it, or refuse.]
[If Cloud doesn't take this damn thing before he gets cold feet and never opens it again. He sort of just shoves the notebook pointedly and obnoxiously right up under Cloud's nose.
[ cloud leans away with a disgruntled noise before he gets a notebook shoved up his nose. fine!!! fine!!!! he'll take it!!! ... but he still grabs it a little hesitantly to turn and read it.
embarrassing... "He hasn't even read a word of it yet" EMBARRASSING ]
[Cloud should be embarrassed because it's embarrassing. Cloud has to flip back one or two pages, but there is definitely a poem on one.]
two hungers sit crawl churn in the pit of me; insatiable, i feed myself anything else until their soft liquid suns fill my mouth and coat my throat [the next line is added in with an arrow] and burn sweet all the way down. what i wouldn't do to pretend i don't care in a place where this time i can look at the two brightest stars not obscured by the smog of a dirty city.
[ oh no this is even more embarrassing and sincere than he thought it would be...oh nooooo...
he's bright red after he reads it, because if lup hadn't said it was about them cloud is a dumbass who'd have never made the connection fully, and he was already stuck on anyone writing poetry about him, never mind Jason, so this is. so much worse.
he can't look Jason in the eyes when he hands it back, because it's going to haunt him, ]
Um. [ what. is he supposed to say? thanks? i still don't know what you're seeing in me??? this is kind of good but he doesn't like, know jack shit about poetry, actually? oh no he's been silent too long. ] ... It's nice.
He takes the notebook back, feeling and looking just as embarrassed. He immediately tucks the damn thing under one arm. It's fine if Cloud doesn't know what to say because Jason also doesn't know what to say.
He sort of shrugs, then shakes his head dismissively. When will the ground open up....]
[ the ground continues to refuse to open up. it's very rude. cloud's jaw clenches a little as he is trying to think of anything to say about it that doesn't include him perishing until he shakes his head and tugs jason down for a brief kiss.
this is his new solution to all communication problems and it's not a great one but also it sort of works, maybe? sure. ]
The kiss... works actually? It greatly reduces the awkward embarrassment of the two of them standing around like absolute idiots, saying nothing. Wow. He's surprised, at first, but then his lips sort of curl in amusement.
He has the nerve to kinda smooch Cloud back, once. But then seems shy afterward at his own gall. He looks at Cloud like he wants to say something, but he can't speak right now.]
[ he's a little shy himself so it's. fine. just two grown men being shy about having feelings like adults.
he looks down a little after the kiss and decides to sort of... go... around? the subject. it's related but not directly. look. he's trying his damn best ]
... We never really... talked about this thing? Maybe that's why Lup got in her own head. [ "this thing". words. are so fucking hard. he shrugs a shoulder ] ... Anyway, I like you.
[ he says, to the ground. mostly. he still doesn't think it needs to be said, he thinks it is pretty damn obvious when he doesn't like someone, and he's pretty sure jason got it by now, but like. whatever. there. he said it. ]
[Luckily for Cloud, he is quiet, but that's because it's required. He watches Cloud's face without staring too hard, listening. Similarly to Cloud, he's still somewhat embarrassed they're having this discussion even if he gets a stupid sort of subdued smirk. Yeah, he sort of got it without the words.
Or, rather, he accepted it? Whatever it was, whether it happened to be dating, or just a fling, or something else.] ... [He reaches up to tap Cloud in the chest over the heart. He taps twice, the second one firm. Then he taps his own chest. You and me. Whatever that means.
He wraps his arms around Cloud's shoulders and hugs him. It is a weird hug he has not gotten yet, strangely clutching with one hand in Cloud's hair, something kind of happy and kind of apologetic but also kind of sure.]
[ whatever that means indeed. today isn't exactly the best day to talk about it (for obvious funny haha talk reasons), so cloud's willing to leave it at that for now. so of course the hug takes him by surprise, making a soft noise in the back of his throat.
the hug feels almost familiar and really not, at the same time. he doesn't linger on that feeling too long before raising his arms to clutch back at jason's back. and then lowering one because actually no that still hurts, so it's one armed on his end, but he clings back harder to make up for it. ]
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Said she got scolded. Wouldn't say who. Felt like an asshole because I couldn't talk.
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LUP?!]
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I didn't... [ oh he's embarrassed watching jay be embarrassed this one time because of what it's about, help ] You weren't supposed to know I knew?
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"The someone else was Cloud." TO SOMEONE ELSE.
You just let the cat out of the bag! Oh my God. I'm never showing her anything ever again! He's ranting. Silently. Blessed peace. He starts writing in the notebook.]
Did she tell you? Did she say what it was?
[The desperation here.]
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[ this isn't believable he watched Jason rant silently with wide eyes like "oh no" and now he's answering this with a question mark and a cringe ]
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He raises the notebook, opened, and inserts his face direction in it at the spine. Kill him.]
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It's not...I mean, it's... [ fumbling immediately. ] She didn't tell me what it said or anything?
[ does this help ]
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He peers at Cloud with scrutiny, as if he isn't sure whether to believe this or not. Then he shakes his head dismissively. He writes in the notebook:]
It's nothing. I was just fucking around to kill time.
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he reads that and he HAS to resist making a comment about how writing poetry in his spare time is worse than doing it for feelings. it takes a lot but he resists saying it. he just looks at jason with a raised eyebrow that says he is thinking it. ]
... Okay. [ slowly. like Jason is a time bomb ] Well, she liked it. So that's not bad for fucking around.
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He looks at Cloud for a long moment, then looks away with a sort of twisted, uncertain and begrudging expression. A sigh. He rubs his forehead with two fingers. LUP. He did not want to show Cloud because it didn't feel like Cloud's wheel-house. Which is fine, he gets that.
And also, he was trying to respect how awkward it could make Cloud. He can bully the guy, but there's a line. A boundary with something more serious.
He just holds the notebook out without looking Cloud in the face. The onus is now on Cloud who can take it, or refuse.]
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he frowns, putting his hand over Jason's holding the notebook ]
You don't have to show me if you don't want to. [ completely misinterpreting the gesture, thanks, ]
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Cloud was being so nice to him too.]
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embarrassing... "He hasn't even read a word of it yet" EMBARRASSING ]
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two hungers
sitcrawlchurn in the pit of me;insatiable, i feed myself
anything else
until their soft liquid suns
fill my mouth and coat my throat
[the next line is added in with an arrow]
and burn sweet all the way down.
what i wouldn't do to pretend
i don't care
in a place where
this time
i can look at the two brightest stars
not obscured by the smog of a dirty city.
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he's bright red after he reads it, because if lup hadn't said it was about them cloud is a dumbass who'd have never made the connection fully, and he was already stuck on anyone writing poetry about him, never mind Jason, so this is. so much worse.
he can't look Jason in the eyes when he hands it back, because it's going to haunt him, ]
Um. [ what. is he supposed to say? thanks? i still don't know what you're seeing in me??? this is kind of good but he doesn't like, know jack shit about poetry, actually? oh no he's been silent too long. ] ... It's nice.
[ let the ground swallow them both, actually. ]
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He takes the notebook back, feeling and looking just as embarrassed. He immediately tucks the damn thing under one arm. It's fine if Cloud doesn't know what to say because Jason also doesn't know what to say.
He sort of shrugs, then shakes his head dismissively. When will the ground open up....]
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this is his new solution to all communication problems and it's not a great one but also it sort of works, maybe? sure. ]
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The kiss... works actually? It greatly reduces the awkward embarrassment of the two of them standing around like absolute idiots, saying nothing. Wow. He's surprised, at first, but then his lips sort of curl in amusement.
He has the nerve to kinda smooch Cloud back, once. But then seems shy afterward at his own gall. He looks at Cloud like he wants to say something, but he can't speak right now.]
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he looks down a little after the kiss and decides to sort of... go... around? the subject. it's related but not directly. look. he's trying his damn best ]
... We never really... talked about this thing? Maybe that's why Lup got in her own head. [ "this thing". words. are so fucking hard. he shrugs a shoulder ] ... Anyway, I like you.
[ he says, to the ground. mostly. he still doesn't think it needs to be said, he thinks it is pretty damn obvious when he doesn't like someone, and he's pretty sure jason got it by now, but like. whatever. there. he said it. ]
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Or, rather, he accepted it? Whatever it was, whether it happened to be dating, or just a fling, or something else.] ... [He reaches up to tap Cloud in the chest over the heart. He taps twice, the second one firm. Then he taps his own chest. You and me. Whatever that means.
He wraps his arms around Cloud's shoulders and hugs him. It is a weird hug he has not gotten yet, strangely clutching with one hand in Cloud's hair, something kind of happy and kind of apologetic but also kind of sure.]
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the hug feels almost familiar and really not, at the same time. he doesn't linger on that feeling too long before raising his arms to clutch back at jason's back. and then lowering one because actually no that still hurts, so it's one armed on his end, but he clings back harder to make up for it. ]