unsurprisingly, it's the physical pain that hits him first; he's been hurt before, but nothing like that, nothing like the product of hours of torture. even before the memory is half over, he's bringing his hand to his mouth instinctively, but it's the terror that comes in those last few moments that really stick with him. jason has mentioned before that he died young, but - he didn't imagine anything at all like this.
there's concern in his expression as it ends, but more than, there's horror.]
This memory is one of the few that's immensely rough for him to deal with. He's had his own way of terribly dealing with it, sure, but being removed for so long made it... very mildly easier to at least never have too much of a reaction.
When he comes winding back, he's already hyperventilating. There's an attempt to regulate his breathing, but it's hard. His head swims with the images. His whole body quakes. His name startles him, and he flinches back like an animal that thinks it's going to be hit.]
[he sees that look and immediately puts his hands up, palm out, to show he doesn't mean him any harm. as difficult as that was to witness - it's not his history, not his pain, but it's different for jason. he tries to keep his voice as soothing as possible as he starts to speak.]
Hey, hey... It's over. You're here now, you're safe.
[He hunches away, if only for a moment. Looks and half turns away from Rupert, trying to gather himself into something more coherent. Something less manic and wild. Less... disturbed? Traumatized.
If he wasn't dealing with it, he'd think it's embarrassing.
Both hands come up to run over his face, then back through his hair. It's fine? It's fine. Chill. He closes his eyes, holds his breath until he thinks he can breath normally. It feels like nothing is real, and he's losing his mind, but he says, weakly,]
[He doesn't reject the sorry this time because he's too tired, and also because that's fine. His hand lifts to hold his head over his eyes, though he finds having them shut only makes him see the things he doesn't want.
Quickly lowering his hand and opening his eyes. He glances back at Rupert.]
Sorry you pulled the short stick... got the worst of my baggage...
You a prince and a therapist, Ru? Trust me, no one needs to hear about any of that. Now if it'll just stay down where it should be, everything'd be fine.
[he starts, but the fact that he stayed to help is coming to bite them both, because the dust settles around them once more and gives them another memory.]
[Okay. This is fine. Right after his own shitty memory, being bound again sets him right back on edge. He's trying to keep his body from quivering when he comes out of it, but he's failing. The muscles in him want to tremor terribly with the anxious adrenaline running through him again.
He's not someone who hasn't been in love before. So it isn't jarring really to have that used against you during the most dire of times.]
Fuck.
[He's going to have to avoid EVERYONE from here on out. He drops himself back against the wall to have something to support him.]
[it's definitely fine! that's why he's dropping his face into his hands for a long few seconds after it ends, taking an unsteady breath and trying to stop from shaking.
it takes him a long moment to speak, but he blinks a few times before glancing at jason.]
[he pauses at all of that for a long moment, taking a breath. despite this attempt to calm himself down, to move past that feeling of grief, of longing, that hasn't left for a day since he came here... his voice still sounds tight and a little bit watery when he speaks.]
[He watches Rupert carefully, frowning. He reaches out and puts a hand on Rupert's shoulder to squeeze it reassuringly. Or maybe comfortingly.]
Already told Clem that I'm not great with the whole consolation thing. I'm garbage at it actually. But I think you'll probably go back and save the world.
[the breath he lets out and the nod he gives are probably signs he's calming down, at least a little. on top of that, while it's very tired and mostly humorless, the next is at least phrased like a weak joke.]
Well. They don't call me world saver for nothing.
[literally only one person has ever called him that. who is they. anyways.]
I appreciate it. You trying, I mean. [...] I might leave the probably out and change think to know, next time? But I appreciate it.
He looks faintly and playfully exasperated for a moment or two.] Okay, smartass. [The hand leaves Rupert's shoulder to instead mess up all of his hair by ruffling it, but it disappears afterward.]
If he's here... I imagine he's alright. I don't think they'd try to keep a hostage who wouldn't be. The risk is too high. Maybe you both can go back together and save the world.
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unsurprisingly, it's the physical pain that hits him first; he's been hurt before, but nothing like that, nothing like the product of hours of torture. even before the memory is half over, he's bringing his hand to his mouth instinctively, but it's the terror that comes in those last few moments that really stick with him. jason has mentioned before that he died young, but - he didn't imagine anything at all like this.
there's concern in his expression as it ends, but more than, there's horror.]
Jason—
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This memory is one of the few that's immensely rough for him to deal with. He's had his own way of terribly dealing with it, sure, but being removed for so long made it... very mildly easier to at least never have too much of a reaction.
When he comes winding back, he's already hyperventilating. There's an attempt to regulate his breathing, but it's hard. His head swims with the images. His whole body quakes. His name startles him, and he flinches back like an animal that thinks it's going to be hit.]
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Hey, hey... It's over. You're here now, you're safe.
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If he wasn't dealing with it, he'd think it's embarrassing.
Both hands come up to run over his face, then back through his hair. It's fine? It's fine. Chill. He closes his eyes, holds his breath until he thinks he can breath normally. It feels like nothing is real, and he's losing his mind, but he says, weakly,]
I'm good.
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You don't have to be, not right now. I mean, that was... I'm so sorry, Jason.
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Quickly lowering his hand and opening his eyes. He glances back at Rupert.]
Sorry you pulled the short stick... got the worst of my baggage...
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[role reversal!! it's sincere as can be, though.]
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It's fine. Don't-- ...Just forget you saw it. [HOW, jason] It's not something anyone should see... or feel.
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[it's quiet, but no less honest for that.]
You've been through so much. I know you told me you've died before, but that was...
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He makes an attempt to clear the hoarseness from his throat.]
Yeah, well… not exactly something I can just drop on anyone.
[When it is now obvious you make shitty jokes to be able to cope with things that happen… :D]
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[similarly sympathetic and concerned.
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You a prince and a therapist, Ru? Trust me, no one needs to hear about any of that. Now if it'll just stay down where it should be, everything'd be fine.
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[he starts, but the fact that he stayed to help is coming to bite them both, because the dust settles around them once more and gives them another memory.]
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He's not someone who hasn't been in love before. So it isn't jarring really to have that used against you during the most dire of times.]
Fuck.
[He's going to have to avoid EVERYONE from here on out. He drops himself back against the wall to have something to support him.]
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it takes him a long moment to speak, but he blinks a few times before glancing at jason.]
...Sorry.
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[Whew. He's not sure what's worse, giving out memories and re-experiencing them, or receiving memories and experiencing those.
After a moment, he uses his elbow to lean up off the wall.]
You alright? That was tough to go through.
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[it's very tense and not at all convincing as he takes another breath.]
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[He doesn't touch Rupert because he knows how that is. Instead, he extends his hand out, palm up, in offering where Rupert can see it.]
What'd you say? It's alright to not be alright. What happened? After.
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I don't know. That's the last thing I remember.
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Already told Clem that I'm not great with the whole consolation thing. I'm garbage at it actually. But I think you'll probably go back and save the world.
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Well. They don't call me world saver for nothing.
[literally only one person has ever called him that. who is they. anyways.]
I appreciate it. You trying, I mean. [...] I might leave the probably out and change think to know, next time? But I appreciate it.
[stop]
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He looks faintly and playfully exasperated for a moment or two.] Okay, smartass. [The hand leaves Rupert's shoulder to instead mess up all of his hair by ruffling it, but it disappears afterward.]
You'll go back and save the world. Better?
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[the epitome of younger sibling whining as he shoves at his hand. no ruffling!! but he nods, stifling a smile.]
Yes. Better.
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If he's here... I imagine he's alright. I don't think they'd try to keep a hostage who wouldn't be. The risk is too high. Maybe you both can go back together and save the world.
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[it's not really threatening, because he is a twink with noodle arms, but there's a note of anger and tension in his voice that wasn't there before.]
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